What it's like being a developer with Schizoaffective disorder

#productivity #schizoaffective #disorder

Brief introduction to Schizoaffective disorder

Schizoaffective disorder is a chronic mental health condition characterized primarily by symptoms of schizophrenia, such as hallucinations or delusions, and symptoms of a mood disorder, such as mania and depression. - nami.org

What it's like

Schizoaffective disorder won't let you work, No matter how much you try but you'll always feel like you don't want to work even if you like what you're doing, You'll open your code editor and then stare at it for hours, Talk with yourself about stuff that doesn't even matter like for example, Thinking about what people will tell you or told you and answer them in your head, And even forget that what you were trying to do. When you'll finally get your brain to focus on work, You'll feel the need to stop working every 15 - 30 minutes and walk around for totally no reason, Tease people around you until you make them angry. You'll check your online accounts and emails everytime you stop thinking about your work. And everytime you find an opportunity, You'll stop working and convince yourself that it's fine even if it's not, Not after the 19th break.

Schizoaffective disorder won't let you finish your books, You'll always get distracted by pointless events like people walking around you and when you're alone, you might just stare at the book for several hours or minutes thinking about other things.

Schizoaffective disorder won't let you study, You'll start getting bored of school that you'll stop going to school, You'll not pay attention in class because you convinced yourself that it's easy and you'll learn it when the exams start.

How to deal with it

I found many ways to deal with my schizoaffective disorder, they are:

1. Coffee

It helps alot to focus on work and giving energy but it's bad for your health, i became addicted to it that I'd get bad headache if I don't take my regular cup of coffee everyday, My heart hurts sometimes and feel likes it's beating too fast that it might stop at anytime.

2. Music

Music makes your daily tasks, I recommend lo-fi music for reading books and studying.

3. Motivation

Fake motivations doesn't help me, I'd rather be motivated by the idea that people would appreciate what I'm putting efforts in than thinking about money.

How do i know if i have schizoaffective disorder

Schizoaffective is hard to diagnos because it's like a mix between Schizophrenia and Bipolar mood, and it comes different on each person, you might get only delusions but no hallucinations just like you might get them both. There are also two types of bipolar mood symptoms in schizoaffective disorder, either depression only or mania and depression. If most the following symptoms applys to you, then you should see a doctor to get a real diagnostic. Symptoms:

Hallucinations: Seeing or hearing things that are not real.
Delusions: Having fixed and false beliefs or feeling like you're unique and can make big changes in the world.
Disorganized thinking: A person may switch very quickly from one topic to another or provide answers that are completely unrelated.
Depression: Sadness, emptiness and worthlessness...
Manic episodes: They are periods when you'd feel elevation, euphoria, racing thoughts and increased risky behavior...