Well, this post is not how I will solve the problem from the title because actually, I am having this problem now, this article is more like a way to put everything out and spread this in the web, perhaps I can get some good insights from people outside my bubble.
Let me explain my problem, I have now seven years in this industry I am working hard since 2019 as a PHP developer and studying as well at the same time, I mean I did my degree from 2019 to 2021 so yeah things in Brazil are crazy we don't have time to only study we need to do both, because this is how it is over there, that time I had a lot of objectives through my career and in my mind, I really tried to do my best and finish the university which I did gracefully with also an interchange to Portugal in the end which helped a lot and opened my eyes for a lot of things and bro was a really nice challenge everything was so new, not only the studies but also the work and so on.
Then I left this first company after finishing the university and I joined a new one with more time to work and focus on my skills instead of the things from the university, I was trying to get more and more into PHP because I was working with a crap project in old legacy PHP which had more spaghetti than in Italy, yeah the code was HOORIBLE but I have learned so much in this job, was a really pain, I also worked for the first time with symfony because was the company framework and I left this job after two years.
Then I have joined a very nice company, they are very big until now and they are growing more which make me very proud about working there and putting this on my CV, and over there the guys they were so smart I have learned a lot with those new colleagues and also the tech stack and how the company was dealing with their product, I had a great experience and I was studying more and more. However, why I was doing those steps of improvements? Because I wanted to move to Portugal, yeah, Portugal the land of the pastel de nata, like I said I had this interchange back then and I really enjoyed Portugal this is the way I wanted to get back abd I did! last year I started with the documents and since I am Brazillian this is easy because of the history between the two countries, this was my main objetive the last five years.
Now, this year, I am feeling a bit lost specially because I am working with a project with in the begining was cool and challenging but with the time things started to get boring and only complain from the business side which made me crazy because those things I cannot solve because they are actually not my problem and now I am in this rabbit hole trying to find a new thing but at the same time trying to find who I am, because yeah I don't have any big objectives anymore.
This topic is making me crazy because at the same time I want to learn more about tech I cannot see a WHY to learn more like myself in the past was doing, and well my girlfriend she already said I live too much in the past and I agree I really do, but now I want to look to the future I want to get this desire for technology like I had before, I am trying new things like Go, game development and starting more side projects than the usual I am getting a bit better but I am still missing the "sauce".
Talking with some friends they said they also had this same problem when they reached a senior level and well I guess this is normal, but it's really difficulty to maintain the mind health and this is the why I have tried some side projects.
But I am here, writing to myself and to you to see if I can know who am I again...
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