It is Friday again, and as you may know, I aim to make Fridays a bit more fun here.
So today, imagine if the programming languages we use every day turned up to work in an office, yes, like The office, in person, with their own computer and desk.
Let’s explore the amusing office personalities of our favorite programming languages.
JavaScript: The Enthusiastic Project Manager
Loves coffee and chaos, always buzzing with energy, loves starting new projects, and has a solution for every problem—whether it fits or not.
- Quote: "Why do today what you can refactor tomorrow?"
Python: The Reliable Analyst
Calm, collected, and methodical. Python believes in getting things right the first time and loves clear, efficient processes. Yet somehow, despite their differences, is quite good friends with JavaScript.
- Quote: "Let’s keep this simple and readable, shall we?"
Java: The Corporate Veteran
Highly experienced, a bit rigid, but extremely reliable. Java has seen it all and insists on thorough, time-tested protocols. Not everyone likes them, but they get the job done.
- Quote: "Back in my day, we managed our own memory!"
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C++: The Senior Engineer
Incredibly smart and somewhat intimidating. C++ is the go-to person for complex problems but can be a bit hard to approach.
- Quote: "I’ve got a library for that."
Disclaimer: AI wrote this one for me, I never wrote C++ code LOL
Ruby: The Creative Marketer
Fun, creative, and loves making things beautiful and user-friendly. Ruby is all about delivering a delightful experience. Is friends with almost everyone in the office
- Quote: "Why shouldn’t code be beautiful?"
PHP: The Legacy System Specialist
Often underestimated, PHP is the backbone of many operations. Works hard behind the scenes to keep everything running smoothly. People keep saying they will get fired for years, but PHP still keeps doing a great job and maintaining their position.
- Quote: "I might not be flashy, but I get the job done."
Swift: The Trendy Startup Founder
Young, trendy, and fast-moving. Swift is all about creating sleek, high-performance applications quickly.
- Quote: "Let’s disrupt the mobile app market."
Which programming language are you?
Which programming language personality do you resonate with the most?
Let us know in the comments! I definitely have some strong JavaScript vibes haha
Let's connect!
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Thanks for reading,
Pachi 💚
Top comments (25)
I take issue with the JavaScript quote.
In order to refactor you ideally need unit tests to alert you to any faults you create in the process.
Most JS devs are either unaware of what unit test are, what they are for or are of the opinion "We don't need unit tests, we have a load of end-to-end tests.", "Besides, what's to test? we maintain code directly in production."
I agree, all the quotes seem to describe the languages' personality, but JavaScript, I'd say the quote is a developer's, not the language; and quite frankly a language-independent mindset 😄. People who practice XP, like me, follow the principles irrespective of the platform we work in including JavaScript.
Let's all agree javascript is always yelling behind the scene, "I am just for the web to display UI! STOP USING ME EVERYWHERE!" Plus It's a real spaghetti, that for some reason everyone loves!
Spaghetti is because of a bad developer. Language has nothing to do with it. I have programmed with C/C++, Java, .Net and various other languages for over 20 years. Now only in JavaScript. Frontend, Backend and even Cloud.
Yeah but still it's fun making fun of javascript, because of it's "Any application that can be written in JavaScript will eventually be written in JavaScript." who the heck had the bright idea to make javascript worst with typescript? Microsoft, and that's the reason why windows is slow, because Microsoft sure loves money over everything else, infact a simple chat widget, not sure where I read it, of Microsoft is literally 6MB, can you imagine? I mean yeah I write worst code that is bigger and slower than that, but at least for a corporate it should be a big concern.
Completely agree, as such for my own projects I do not use TS but companies sadly, but understandably, require it.
Not following... TS is just JS with rules/discipline. It literally transpiles to minified ES5. What exactly is the concern here?
Well TS is a subset of JS. The additional compilation step. The dev environment bloatware. Adding a lot of code just for types. Etc...
Because of that it is my preference to use JS over TS. I built my own framework to work effectively with JS and never been more productive.
Some people and companies prefer TS and if they are productive with TS they should stick with TS. Because in the end it is only important that you deliver a product that works and preferably on time.
How I like to call it is simple and easy. It's just JSDocs, but useless. Now be noted, I don't mean that it's useless entirely, but rather as the go to tool. By this I mean TS is great and all, but only if it's being used in the right place, such as strict API endpoints, which are suppose to follow strict rules, of course we can use hot rust, but let's assume we are dumb for now, but creating UI? That's kind of useless, you can just add JSDocs, and as long as the team does not have one dumb idiot who plans to pass string data as child rather than JSON data, you are safe, all you need to do is read the docs, just hover over the function and you get the docs, if course you use VSCode only than this is possible, if you are a super 10X ultra old guy like me using neovim, well than you need to read the docs on their own, or just configure your editor to show the docs of the function.
Let's not forget the primary difference between TS and JSDoc. If you make a mistake describing your class in JSDoc your project still compiles. You also don't have to spend hours configuring a compiler for it!
OK let me get it straight, TS is great I use it, I like it, but I won't say that I would use it every single time, I won't use TS for making desktop applications or mobile applications, I would use it for frontend and frontend only, does this mean not for backend? NO, I would prefer using PHP for the backend, or python or even java.
Now the real point, I believe TS is a bit overrated, I am not saying that it's bad, I am just saying that TS is good, but you don't need to use it every single time, you can use JSDoc in most cases, because why do we use TS? Why do you think TS is used? Well one, it shows an error before compiling and prevents any error during compiling, but if you see it, you usually get an error at the dev console and you can use that to get to the source of the error if you have a side on side comparison of TS with JS, you will, of course, see that JS does not show any error before compiling, but that's OK, you need to check the dev console, now in case you don't want to use the dev console that a different thing, but if you ask me when I would use TS, it would be, it depends, let's just cut the crap, programming is a really alternative to everything job, you got angular, react, vue, and a bunch of other just for making UIs, you got java, python, rust, go just for backend, you got C, C#, C++ for making windows app and soo much more, that it's just a depends on the problem thing, imagine you have a problem, say you want to make the frontend of an application your corporate wants, but you team consists of 3 members, just 3, you 3 can just seat together side by side and write down the code using something simple, assuming that you won't get fired that quick, you just need to make a simple UI, all the complicated stuff is at the backend, fetching and displaying, that all, nothing fancy, no animations, no visuals, just plain text, all you can do is pick a simple framework, or even a library and get the job done, you can use JQuery with webpack to make your frontend, with webpack it makes it easy to have multiple files without any problem, all you just have to do it make simple functions with proper docs and voila! If you get fired, the new guy who replaced just because he has a PhD(for no reason why not to), all he has to do is read the doc! And let's be real, who does not read the docs? Well all have to, cause if we don't then there would be 100s of bugs in everyone's home, that is their systems would be infected with 100s of bugs.
So yes TS is not, but I would not say that I would use it for everything and every time, it's a real it depends on question just like everything in software engineering, is modular monolith better than microservices? Well it depends! So I would say yes TS wins because of it's before compile error, but if you use to much of TS, it's really not good, cause that just means you would need to make a lot of types, using
anytype to fix a type error that should not exist, now that's a problem. Plus who does not loves making fun of the things they use. I make fun of TS because I use it, I don't make fun of rust, because I don't even try to touch that thing! It's to overwhelming(skill issue) to use rust OK?That doesn't mean you cannot talk about "refactoring tomorrow" all day long though...
C is the server gremlin. No one sees them, and no one really wants to work with them, but they all desperately need them to do anything. Further, no one really knows how long they've been there, nor does anyone dare to get rid of them.
Rust is C's intern that everyone insists that C hire. Rust is actually really good at what they do, but every time they try to do something, they learn that C already did it decades ago.
Fortran is the retired founder from decades prior, who still occasionally shows up to office parties despite no one remembering them.
COBOL is similar to Fortran, but everyone is afraid of because they still have enough shares to be on the Board of Directors.
FORTRAN and COBOL have no similarity, take a look to some samples of code, please.
These languages are simply nearly equally old.
Take care when you travel in planes, reservation systems still run on FORTRAN :)))
I mean similar in the analogy, not similar in syntax.
Also, I've written Fortran. Personally, I don't understand why anyone would willingly submit themselves to the language anymore, but legacy systems are legacy systems.
And yes, I understand that there are plenty of fields that use Fortran extensively (e.g., computational physics).
Again though, if I have the option, I'd rather be using C.
To the point
I would like to see C# and GO
Javascript 🤠
The best description for PHP. Love it.
Would like to see C#. The personification would be somewhere between java,ruby and C++. C# constantly tries to reinvent itself, constantly modernizing the language to keep up with the times. It has a lot of structure but can be extremely simple/intuitive to use.
Thanks AI for writing this post and creating the images
Python - "Let’s keep this simple and readable, shall we?"
"Yes, let's make sure the flow of the code is determined by characters we can't see."
It seems no one remember PASCAL, BASIC, PL/1, NATURAL, PROLOG, MODULA, or the infinite Assemblers of any hardware architecture.