Trigger warning: depression, explicit images
Depression has long been the loudest untold story of my developer life. I did my coming out last year after a very long very personal journey in my manifesto We Shall Improve Hiring Somewhat
Ideally, I would like that people who come after me suffer less
Today I want to talk especially about the social breakdown that comes with depression
I have plenty of family, friends, colleagues, a spouse.
And yet, when a crisis hit, I feel alone to degree I cannot describe with words
I don't choose to stay alone, I am powerless about it
I want connection, I need others
But I can't, depression makes me speechless
Carried away by the crowd, I fight and argue but the sound of my voice is smothered by the laughter of others
And I scream in distress, in fury, in rage, and I cry and am dragged by the crowd who rushes along, who dances a crazy farandole
How could I talk about the fog in my brain ?
How could I talk about my rational brain falling apart ?
How could I describe how broken I feel deep inside ?
How could I tell you how tired I am from this restless fight ?
And how would that help anyway ?
People are not ready for this journey inside darkness
How could I tell anything ?
I feel so empty
When I feel strong enough, to not drag down others with my suffering, I put a mask
I try to pull myself up by my own boostraps
But how could I tell how much resistance drags down every effort of mine ?
Time freezes ; days feel like months ; months feel like ash
I'm drowning, drop by drop
And I forget what I knew after all the previous crisis
I forget that some day the crisis will end
I forget that we shall overcome
I forget those mysterious beguiling eyes that shine through the tears
The art of depression
It is all over the internet.
A google image search for "depression art" will get you started.
Pinterest is a goldmine and where I selected most the art above
I'm oh so glad that artists have this super power to describe what the rational mind cannot phantom
This art is fascinating
This is art is not sad.
What is really sad indeed is the sound of silence, the hiding of the suffering of a very common disease.
For people to suffer less, we need to talk about depression.
When depression hits you or a close one, if you have not heard about it, you have no concept of what happens, you have no clue on how to react to it, no chance to navigate between the misinformation.
Top comments (8)
Art plays the bad role in the depression questions: art makes depression beautiful — the suffering, the pain (and suicide eventually — especially in music). Which is not true. All that is quite ugly. It's a road downwards. The only beautiful part is drawing yourself back — upwards from this pit. That's something that needs to be sung and painted — in bright (instead of noire) colors.
That's why I'm writing another piece about Rachmaninov's 2nd concerto
@fyodorio so I have now written the piece about Rachmaninov drawing himself back from depression with music, inspiring me to do the same
I doubt I will translate it though, but in case automatic translators work nowdays, the piece is here
La musique qui me sort de la dépression
Concerto No 2 pour piano en DOm - Sergeï Rachmaninov - K. Zimerman
Before the COVID pandemic, I was a proud university Physics student and started my research academic career with Solid States Physics. Since I was a child I had problems with depression and anxiety, after the lockdown I had to come back home, and studying at home was like hell, I threw everything away. When I saw it, I had lost myself and the crisis got even more severe. Today I'm getting better and I doing my best to build/rediscover myself without titles. I wish the best for those who are fighting against any mental disorder.
Depression is a bitch, I'm glad you are getting better and I'm sending virtual hugs to you <3
Girl have too much arms:
Good catch, thanks, i revmoved the image.
And fuck you AI, why do you have to pollute everything ?
Very good!
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